#my mother did not
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done with saying “she’s being a bitch because she’s tired” or “she’s being a bitch because she’s stressed” or “she’s being a bitch because she’s sick”
like maybe she’s just being a bitch
#done with excusing or Understanding why i am being treated the way i am#even during my worst distress o have never been goven that leniency#i once as a child twosted my ankle so hard my vision went#and as i was falling down in agony#our landlord asked if i was okay#my mother did not#instead she said Monsieur asked you a question!#like i’m sorry i couldn’t answer on account of actively still twisting my ankle#randomness
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Suddenly remembering a family Christmas Eve dinner that I endured had some years ago at a Mexican restaurant, and though I started off the evening hating it and wishing I had the freedom to leave (I was forced to ride with someone else instead of taking my own car), by the time dinner was over I was quite eager to stay for dessert.
I should preface this by saying that I do not have a healthy relationship with my parents (biological or otherwise). They have never treated me well and the holidays were always, always a bad time for me because they would say words of love and then turn around and do things like gaslight or worse.
Anyways, a story of me being petty and taking advantage of a bad situation!
Now, I couldn't tell you the name of the restaurant to save my life. What I can tell you is that it was a fancy Mexican restaurant, the kind with the servers in white button up shirts, black slacks, and black aprons, they brought their fajitas out on a cart still cooking, and they only served certain meats (like cabrito) on an actual, literal spit that they brought to the table and let you carve up there. All the dishes were frightfully expensive, too.
I was not allowed to get anything expensive, no, but everyone else got to order fajitas and margaritas and that delicious goat meat and -
*deep breaths*
Anyways, I was not having a good time. I wasn't able to get anything good, nobody was ordering any fucking queso, and the place was crowded so I couldn't even hear most of my family talking. My step-dad was poking fun at me for being a grump, my mother was trying to tell me to cheer up because I was ruining the night, my grandmother was telling me to think godly thoughts, my aunts were looking at me in concern, my brothers were not getting involved (and honestly looking back I don't blame them), and my Gung Gung was just looking forward to cabrito.
About five minutes after we ordered our main dishes, though, the Mariachi band arrived.
They came in and immediately started playing music. Loud, obnoxious, in-your-face music. The restaurant was already loud, but oh, suddenly it was much, much louder.
My mother groaned and made a disgusted face. "Ugh, Mariachi bands."
"What's wrong with Mariachi bands?" I asked.
"Nothing, I guess," she said, shrugging, but her disgust did not fade. "I just don't like them. I just really, really don't like them."
So I looked at the band with intrigue.
For a while I just watched them go around the room, playing at tables one by one. I assumed, because people were waving them over, that they were playing music in exchange for some money. That assumption was pretty much confirmed when the band got closer to our table and I leaned over and watched as someone handed one of the band members a 20 dollar bill.
Then our server came by to refill our drinks. She noticed that I was watching the band, and as she poured water into my glass she smiled at me.
"Do you want them to play for your table?" she asked me.
I gave her an awkward smile and a shrug in return. "Oh, I don't have a whole lot of money."
"They've already been paid for by the restaurant," the server told me. "All you have to do is get their attention."
"...Wait, really?"
"Really."
I glanced at my mother. She hadn't noticed my conversation with the server at all.
"...Yeah, I would like them to play for our table."
Less than a minute later the band was right next to our table, and right next to me. All of the members of the band were eagerly looking at me, smiling widely. "What would you like us to play?" one of them asked. "Any requests?"
Still, no one else at the table noticed.
"No, play whatever you feel like," I said, smiling back. "And if you can, when you don't have anybody else flagging you down, please come back to this table? I don't have much, but I can afford at least a few dollars in tips."
That got confused expressions on their faces, but they shrugged, said sure, brought their instruments up into positions, and started to play.
The entire table jumped.
My mother turned around in horror, looking at the Mariachi band members as they started loudly playing and singing Feliz Navidad. She had no idea what the hell was going on, but she didn't like it. "Excuse me!" she called to them. "Can you move, please? You're right next to our table!"
"Of course they are," I piped up, surprising my mother. "I called them over here and asked them to play."
"You what?"
"I thought you noticed," I said, playing innocent. "After all, I'm sitting right next to you."
We stayed at the restaurant for another two hours. The Mariachi band came back to our table many, many times as they said they would - by the fifth visit they cottoned on to what my game was, and they stopped accepting my money. Instead, they happily danced around the table and played even louder. The tables next to ours also became aware of what I was doing, and they laughed each time the band came by.
I gleefully sang along to all the songs they played, even if I didn't know the words. My mother wanted me to stop, to be quiet, but I was "finally having fun, mom, didn't you want me to cheer up?" I even got my aunts to join in, and my step-dad and grandmother were too caught up in their drinks and talking to my Gung Gung to notice anything.
My brothers only sit there and laughed, too.
As we finally left, I was grinning and skipping. "I think I love Mariachi bands," I told my mother.
She could only groan.
#christmas story#mariachi bands#apparently it's true that they'll follow someone around and play just to annoy them#they absolutely delighted in doing that#i dunno if they could tell that i was miserable or if they just really enjoyed playing for people who hate mariachi bands#but that was a fantastic night#i had so much fun#my mother did not#but i regret nothing#honestly i think the reason she doesn't like mariachi bands is because she's uuuuh kinda racist#she doesn't like music in other languages because she thinks they should all be in english#yeah my mother is kinda not a cool person#thank you random mariachi band that played for me over and over out of the kindness of your hearts#you made a horrible christmas eve so much better#ravyn rants#ravyn rants in the tags#cw gaslighting#yes i was petty and i regret nothing
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It's that time of year again where I must say: you think realizing you were conceived on Valentine's day is bad enough, well try realizing that your birthday falls almost exactly nine months TO THE DAY after your father's
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things haven't been great but i think they will be. eventually 🌻🌼🩷
#personal#comics#tw abuse#digital art#personal comic#for the record no i don't think my mother loves me#but the idea that she did kept me in an awful situation for a very long time#the number of times people said “she's your mother. she's trying her best. of course she loves you” etc etc#but i don't think “love” and abuse are mutually exclusive#like even if someone DOES love you it doesn't mean it's not abuse and it doesn't mean it's ok#art tag
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I just wanna say bc I KNOW you're somewhere on tumblr, to the teenage girl who attended Take Your Kid To Work Day at an office building in Ontario, Canada circa 2013 and had a conversation with a middle aged woman in which you showed her your Black Veil Brides fanart and fanfics and ship content and told her about different fanfic tropes including a/b/o verse bc she happened to know who Panic! at The Disco and Fallout Boy were and thus you felt the need to show her your bandblr ship art, that was my fucking mother and I had to clarify all that to her including looking my mother in the eye and trying to explain a/b/o verse without sounding like a lunatic.
It's been 10 years and I still regularly sent evil energies in your direction. Since you'd be probably two years younger than me and thus legally an adult now, please know if this post reaches you it's on sight.
#she cornered me in the car and asked what shipping was and i almost had a fucking heart attack#imagine being like 16 years old and habing to explain knotting to your mother#random emo music girl I'm glad you had fun talking about your Band Guys to my mother#bc i also attended take your kid to work day at that office and i know how boring it was#but christ alive why did you have to fuck me like that?#anyways i hope this post reaches you so at the very least you know i think about you at least once a week#this has been weighing on me for ten years#im almost tempted to blaze this post
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#good omens#´hello friends!! how are you!!#I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` )#I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey#usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from#most of the time I just get a stuffy nose#has my nose gotten stronger#but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁)#it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet#but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (:#and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors#I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set#the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer#but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet#unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home#which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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JIMMY CHOO X SAILOR MOON Collaboration 2024 if you want to support this blog consider donating to: ko-fi.com/fashionrunways
#jimmy choo#sailor moon#outer senshi#collaborations#fashion#footwear#2024#so nice of them to do all the girls but i feel like they did saturn so wrong somehow... thats my girl why do her like that pls save her#but pluto though ugh queenie#also neptune uranus saturn having the same type of heels okay family okay daughter and mothers
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JACK BLACK IS IN AN EPISODE OF THE X FILES !!!!
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good evening, tumblr user @morning-st48. or should i say... bad morning? because i think you are the one spreading misinformation about my big beautiful daughter.
but i will not hold this against you. i am a big man with a big daughter, and i would like to use this as a teaching opportunity.
i will teach you about my daughter.
#warframe#sorry#this is in jest#but i wanted to match your tone#people did actually have a lot of questions about her that i thought it would be good to clarify#she is named daughter after her mother#her mother is my helminth (who is named mother)
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that moment when you adopt a fuck ton of tiny gods at fourteen and get doomed by the narrative
#carpetbug art#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#ml#miraculous fanart#ml feline blue au#ml fbau#ml au#marinette#marinette dupain cheng#kwami#didn’t draw all the kwamis she’s caring for cause tored but enjoy the ones i did#sass#xuppu#wayzz#trixx#mullo#tikki#pollen#ziggy#barkk#stompp#plagg#roarr#roaar#fluff#she gets a little lost in the miraculous info dump sauce and the kwamis are just like heyyyyy girl sorry you’re freaking out. when’s lunch?#marinette my girl failure control freak anxious bitch adoptive mother <3
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'Cause I want to set my heart on fire! And I watch it try befriending embers But the ice don't melt in mid December
#my art#deltarune#safeutdr#kris dreemurr#kris deltarune#another drawing from a sketch I did a little over two years ago. Inspired by the song O My Heart by Mother Mother
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"yellowfang? what are you doing in bluestars den? well its none of my business" -fireheart, probably
[ID: a digital painting of Bluestar and Yellowfang, two battle-scarred gray cats, from Warrior Cats. They are cuddling in loaf positions in a den with sunlight streaming in, looking towards the entrance with slight smirks. The image is drawn in a semi-realistic art style with soft colors and shading. End ID]
#me seeing people pair bluestar and yellowfang together: Yeah ill incorporate that into my belief system#i think this totally could have happened its just that the first arc was entirely from firehearts point of view#and he doesnt know about gay people. if he did he would have realized hes bisexual and mated with graystripe#he thinks ravenpaw and barley are such good friends#warrior cats#warriors#wc#bluestar#yellowfang#yellowblue#greenshipping#bluestar x yellowfang#yellowfang x bluestar#art#2024#really though this yuri is so big brained. they both had forbidden romances and forbidden kits that were doomed#and theyre both mother figures to fireheart#and like. theyre often chilling in starclan together after they both die LOL#I just think its fascinating.
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Mamas Boy off
#jason todd#red hood#dc#batman#jason todd fanart#robin dc#my art#zuko#atla#atla fanart#prince zuko#atla zuko#they r so similar#in some ways#anger controlling them because they don’t know how to rely on anything else#and when they did it ended in their demise#children born of war#wanting to prove themselves to their fathers#auch#fire#their love and kindness from their mother
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spider nico (spider bot…. sometime i call him circuit too) ((he’s like what if spiderman sucked ass))
#my art#he is a tech nerd that will do work for villains and civilians and does not care#but he refuses to build gear or puter or bots for anyone but himself#his uncle ben moment was his sick mother trying to upload her mind to a computer upon death#it was his first thing he’d ever help build for another person#and it Did Not Work so he doesn’t make things for anyone anymore#he’s very useless and his spider sense only works to detect radio signals and electrical equipment etc#but no danger LOL#he also doesn’t have webs!#just long wires that he throws and prays#i like him a lot#spidersona#spider man: across the spider verse#oc#original character#sona#digital portrait#digital art#illustration#drawing#artists on tumblr
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Cnetizens: 'OMG TV shows in the 90's were much better than today''We were so well fed in the past'
#china#fashion#dramas#guzhuang#lmao#funny#that's jiao enjun#I like how he grits a little after he smiles at the other one 'Did you get a good look?'#he is like the ancestor of all guzhuang bl cp lmao#the actor was born in 1967 so that's why cnetizens call him jiaoshu (uncle jiao) for they grew up watching his wuxia dramas#not related but my favourite thing about cdrama is that they never dub the kissing sounds no matter how much kissing the scene has#unlike all hollywood movies or netflix dramas that make that stupid annoying smacking noise#they just have to do the cliche foley sound effect#and why the sound of locking lips is always wet?#Even in the most family-friendly films or sitcoms#they make sure to dub out that kissing sound even for a simple goodbye kiss between a couple in the morning#or a mother kiss her daughter quietly on the crown#it's really disgusting tbh
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